I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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