I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
