About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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