Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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