absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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