where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
