You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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