Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
