Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
