She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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