He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
