I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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