Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
