Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
