sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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