I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
