the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
