I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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