I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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