if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
