you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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