I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
