Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
