Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
