I'm lost and stupid without you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
