the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize