Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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