I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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