You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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