She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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