you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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