is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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