So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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