I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i think my cat just said my name.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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