I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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