OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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