I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
