I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
