That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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