Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
