Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
