Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My ass is underappreciated
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
