Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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