Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
