Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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