just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
