Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
