What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
