I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
