I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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