this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
