That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
