Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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