I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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