You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
