4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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