im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
