Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
