So drunk its hurt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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