You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
a search helicopter?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
