Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
