I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
