I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
