I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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