you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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