he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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