Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
