i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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