I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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