i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
