he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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